The Iraqi Information Minister: We are not afraid of the chicken and, in fact, the cowardly chicken has not crossed the road. He is an infidel and will burn in the fires of hell. Allah has condemned him. The chicken is stupid. All chickens are stupid" (dramatic pause) "and they are condemned."
Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an Herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo- sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it :censored: wanted to. That's the :censored: reason.
O.J. Simpson: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
Douglas Adams: Fourty-two.
South Florida Voter: The chickens were clearly confused as to where the dotted yellow line was leading. The only other option was to cross the line, so they did.
Josef Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. Crack it's eggs to make my omlette.
Former Vice President Al Gore:: I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them.
President George W. Bush: I don't believe we need to get the chickens across the road. I say give the road to the chickens and let them decide. The government needs to let go of strangling the chickens so they can get across the road.
Senator Lieberman: I believe that every chicken has the right to worship their God in their own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in their own way.
Vice President Cheney: Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could fly if they wanted to. Chickens don't want to cross the road. They don't need help crossing the road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road myself.
Ralph Nader: Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the evil tire-makers. Chickens aren't ignorant, but our society pays tire-makers to create t he need for these roads and then lures chickens into believing there is an advantage to crossing them. Down with the roads, up with the chickens.
Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
Martin Luther King, Jr: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross without having their motives called into question.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.
Omar Khayam: The moving chicken fingers, write, and having writ, move on.
Plato: For the greater good.
Jerry Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side". That's what "they" call it- the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.
Barney: Because the chicken wanted to let all the nice little kids hold him and touch him!
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
L.A. Police Department: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.
Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never known any chickens.
Bill Clinton: I repeat, I did not have sexual relations with that chicken.
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!
"X-files" Fox Mulder:: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
CBS-TV's Andy Rooney: I could have said, 'Didja ever wonder why it is that the chicken crossed the road, and which road it was?' But I didn't. I did ask some turkeys, however, and this is what they said....
James Carville: Because the mean-spirited Republican majority in Congress was going to cook the chicken and leave only the sun-bleached bones picked bare for the American people that they'd throw out in the street, Larry!
Bob Dole: Bob Dole says, "To get to the other side."
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping nerve gas on it.
Bill Clinton (Part Two): I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by "chicken"? Could you define "chicken" please?
COBOL Programmers: 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES THENPERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROADVARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTILON-THE-OTHER-SIDEELSEGO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING
H. Ross Perot: No, no, it's not about me, Larry. It's about the chicken.
Jean Chretien: Okay, for me, de chicken, 'e crossed de road because 'is team was der, and because 'e 'ad de plan.
Chico Marx: Why a duck? Why-a-no- chicken?
Groucho Marx: You try to cross over there a chicken, and you'll find why-a-no chicken. It's deep water, that's viaduct.
William Jefferson Clinton (Part Three): That depends on how yuh define "road".
A Typically Politically Correct Person: Don't blame the chicken! Society is to blame. The chicken did cross the road, but he or she was merely a victim of this racist, bigoted, sexist, society. We are all to blame, for failing to provide blah blah blah blahblahblahblahblahblahblah.....ad naseaum
Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, 'What the heck was this chicken doing walking all over the place anyway?
Mark Twain: The news of it's crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
*MORE COMING SOON!!!*
